I feel depressed this few days. I feel down. Sadness had merged into my body and soul make me feel suffocate in this feeling. Most of time we thought that 'outsider' could hurt our feeling but we tend to forgot that closest people around us could hurt us the most.
I am not saying that I am perfect. But I always do good to others. I always refraining myself not to hurt people with harsh words or action eventhough I truly upset with their attitude towards me. Most of the time, I just silence and showing my fake smile while my heart burst inside.
Sometimes I felt so alone and nothing makes sense. I feel like I am facing the whole thing myself, with nothing but tears and fake smile. When I am alone in my room, sometime my tears burst without anyone knowing it...
Life is not like a fairytale that we heard during childhood. We are living in a real world, with all kind of human being inside. Some of them may good to you, some might bad, envious, cruel etc. I feel bad when I heard people criticise me behind my back but pretending to be good in front of me. Maybe it is not hurt this much if it is 'outsider' that saying all those bad things about me. But I feel broken, when I know someone who is really close to me did this to me -->> my lovely aunt.
I really love my family including all my relatives and even my friends. If they asking for help, I wouldn't feel hesitate to give my best to help them. I am not saying that I am good but this is what I am.
I still remember three years ago, few weeks before my aunt wedding, I help her a lots. Decorating the church, choosing her wedding gown, prepare this and that, I was like her wedding planner (F.O.C) of course. I never asked anything from her. I am doing it sincerely for her.
Her husband is unemployed but my parents help him to find a job. Now he's working as a offshore rigger with oil and gas company. My parents always taught me to be good with them. When they having problem, we will always try our best to help them. We give all out.
I don't know what is in her mind. Why she doing this to me? Did she hates me? Why she talking behind me and aggravate my family? What have we done to her to be treated like this? For most, why she insult and slandering me?
Maybe it is mistakes because I am
Aunt, have you ever lived my life, have you ever spent one minute in my shoes? If you haven't, then tell me why you judge me like you do. I'm good but I'm not an angel. I do sin but I'm not the devil. I just being myself. Pls don't asked me to be hypocrite just to please you. That is so not me...
Dear my lovely aunt, I have something to tell you. If you ever read this blog, I hope you would understand how I feel. No worries, I won't curse you anyway. As a christian, it would be better if I pray for you and asked God to open your heart to me. May God Bless you and your family.
Sincerely,
Your niece
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